Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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