i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
