Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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