i may or may not be watching the land before time
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
