dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
