then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
