My liver just broke up with me...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
