Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize