Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
