Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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