What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
