sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
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But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
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I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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