All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He did a backflip because drugs
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