i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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