I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Oh god it's open bar.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
