I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
