she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
