I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
