i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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