I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic