Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just tell him i said nine months
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...