There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize