Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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