OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
