Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
