Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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