Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
