so explain again why im purple
no
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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