You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
