Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
