No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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