I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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