If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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