I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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