Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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