Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
