Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
