You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she smelled like a LAN party
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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