there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just high enough for therapy.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
