have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
