so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
