you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
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That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
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I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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