I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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