Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
