I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
