so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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