Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
