i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
