he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
