The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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