Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
