i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
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If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
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When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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