mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
