I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
