it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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