so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We named our party play list daddy issues
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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