Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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