I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
