hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
