you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
