that's an acceptable place to lick
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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