It's Friday. Sex?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
