Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
