Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
